What if we would more often give the benefit of a doubt?
I recognized how whenever it comes to relationships, or generally people I’m not all comfortable with yet, whenever I get a certain feeling I start to doubt all they ever did right.
Like my boyfriend, he is friends with his Ex and he gives me all the attention and all the love I could ask for. I know he’s into me and no matter how arrogant this sounds – I’m sort of ‚out of his league‘ (and I believe that’s actually a good thing) and I know when he’s trying to impress me, or boost his ego.
STILL-whenever he mentions her I’m thinking to myself „could you just shut up about her“ no matter how secure I felt just a few moments before. I get acutely self conscious and start to doubt everything we ever had working for us.
What is this about? It’s our Brain. When I discovered this fact -that actually everyone should know: „Our brain is not wired to make us happy. It is wired to make us survive.“
So it is constantly looking to keep us alive-keep us away from dangerous situations-to keep us away from situations that caused us pain.
That’s why we can’t control this reaction (and hundred of others) if it comes to just not feeling right. And the ever nagging question I wonder about is: Is it intuition? Or is it our brain anticipating things to work out bad for us? And thereby creating a self fulfilling prophecy?
I know that especially in my case; I have a deep seated fear of relationships and I’m not good with trust. Because of my upbringing and certain issues from my childhood.
For me a relationship is a dangerous situation, so my mind is easily alarmed, it’s almost constantly alarmed. And whatever small occasion arises-he’s staying late at work, he’s very private about his phone, he’s this or that.. I start to make up stories.
on I realize: It’s all in my head-there is no
This is the one thing we need to pay constant attention to: is it real? Or is it just fear, insecurity? And most of all-whenever I find myself in this place-I try to do whatever I can to get into a higher energetic state. It’s proven that being jealous, anxious or afraid-is one of the lowest energetic states there is. It’s not somewhere I want to dwell, because it turns into a downward spiral-the lower you get, the lower you get. It’s the same with good feelings and positive thoughts.
I promised myself to start each day with gratitude, it’s the easiest thing to take out the phone-open a gratitude app and take 2-5 minutes to think about all the positive things you have in your life. For me it often just helps to get in the state of gratitude-to remember that all that I have is more than most people have.