Give your thoughts the benefit of a doubt..

What if we would more often give the benefit of a doubt?

I recognized how whenever it comes to relationships, or generally people I’m not all comfortable with yet, whenever I get a certain feeling I start to doubt all they ever did right.

Like my boyfriend, he is friends with his Ex and he gives me all the attention and all the love I could ask for. I know he’s into me and no matter how arrogant this sounds – I’m sort of ‚out of his league‘ (and I believe that’s actually a good thing) and I know when he’s trying to impress me, or boost his ego.

STILL-whenever he mentions her I’m thinking to myself „could you just shut up about her“ no matter how secure I felt just a few moments before. I get acutely self conscious and start to doubt everything we ever had working for us.

What is this about? It’s our Brain. When I discovered this fact -that actually everyone should know: „Our brain is not wired to make us happy. It is wired to make us survive.“

So it is constantly looking to keep us alive-keep us away from dangerous situations-to keep us away from situations that caused us pain.

That’s why we can’t control this reaction (and hundred of others) if it comes to just not feeling right. And the ever nagging question I wonder about is: Is it intuition? Or is it our brain anticipating things to work out bad for us? And thereby creating a self fulfilling prophecy?

I know that especially in my case; I have a deep seated fear of relationships and I’m not good with trust. Because of my upbringing and certain issues from my childhood.

For me a relationship is a dangerous situation, so my mind is easily alarmed, it’s almost constantly alarmed. And whatever small occasion arises-he’s staying late at work, he’s very private about his phone, he’s this or that.. I start to make up stories. 

But later on I realize: It’s all in my head-there is no REAL evidence. 
This is the one thing we need to pay constant attention to: is it real? Or is it just fear, insecurity? And most of all-whenever I find myself in this place-I try to do whatever I can to get into a higher energetic state. It’s proven that being jealous, anxious or afraid-is one of the lowest energetic states there is. It’s not somewhere I want to dwell, because it turns into a downward spiral-the lower you get, the lower you get. It’s the same with good feelings and positive thoughts.
I promised myself to start each day with gratitude, it’s the easiest thing to take out the phone-open a gratitude app and take 2-5 minutes to think about all the positive things you have in your life. For me it often just helps to get in the state of gratitude-to remember that all that I have is more than most people have.

Recap 2018


This year had it all, it was just insane what was going on in 2018:

-Working part time as a Make Up Artist (dreaming about becoming a yoga teacher)

-Quitting Work

-Deciding on doing a Yoga Teacher Training in Bali

-Spending the Summer in Bali and becoming a Yoga Teacher

-Back to Vienna-back to reality-becoming self employed

-Meeting Steph (my Boyfriend) 

-Falling in love

-getting pregnant

No this wasn’t planned. Non of it was really. It was all an idea-the Yoga thing. And I just decided on taking steps to make it real. 

But the thing with Love and getting pregnant-that’s just like INSANE. Yes it was weird meeting this guy who I thought was just weird, funny and who I felt intensely attracted to, I never thought it would be smth serious. But 3-4 months later and I’m pregnant. And I’m kinda strangely aware that everything’s about to change now. 

We decided to stick it out-to go for it. We’re both 31, although he’s still like 18 at times, I do think we will be great parents. 
But non the less-the timing is not ideal-but would it ever be?

And strangely enough-not for one second-did I ever thought about ’not doing it‘..I mean the pregnancy. Beside the panic and surprise, underneath it all was just a feeling of calm. I felt that ALRIGHT, IT IS WHAT IT IS and I’M HAPPY with it.

Roll on, 2019 xx

Just say F*ck it

Sometimes a really loud F*CK IT is needed to wake you up again.

For the last year or so I’ve been absorbed and obsessed with self development, trauma hacking and finding my Why,  to the point that I felt just as confused as before, I ever knew anything about a purpose driven life and a growth mindset.

I’ve come to the point where I realized that I’m just hoarding information, trying to move forward but keeping myself stuck with over thinking. It didn’t serve me in my relationships, personal or professional life. I was over analysing my relationship and driving myself mad.

Until the point where it suddenly just felt like I’m swimming against the tide-I’m fighting so hard-focusing so intensely on what I don’t want-that I actually created exactly that. I know enough about life by now that I know there’s a truth to the „law of attraction“- there is truth to the saying that „you attract what you focus on“.

Sometimes doing exactly what you’re afraid of, acting without over-thinking and just being without analysing is the answer. So the answer to all of my questions right now is „Just do it-fuck it-I can’t be bothered anymore“. Ask yourself: does it actually help? Thinking, analysing, worrying..or is it an excusable way to stay safe, to not move forward into unknown territories.

The next chapter is going to be about getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and just doing. Work, work, work with whatever there is. With whatever I have. For now I’m just going to trust the process, the things that worked in my life never came from a place of insecurity and angst, they happened when I least expected it and it just felt natural.



BE Who You Want

This idea, this question has been hunting me for some times now. And that’s good news, cause this is definitely something that should be considered. Again and Again.

Am I the person I want to be? Am I the person I want? See the difference?

Very often we’re extremely focused on wanting (we usually have a few lists, pro/con, etc.) and not so much on what we’re giving, or indeed if we provide what we’re asking for?

Are we the whole package that we want to have? Are we that flawless, sporty, interesting, entertaining, versatile, agile, whatever…like we want someone else to be?

I must admit, a recent dating experience showed me that there is nothing more destructive, nothing that breeds more resentment than to have high expectations, criticising someone for who they are and putting someone down if they don’t meet your expectations.

The strange thing is (this gets way too psychological too soon-but psychology is all we are about!) when something like this happens, in the context of a dating situation. Supposedly when you actually believe „This person likes me, he spends time with me, he is interested in me..why, for what reason does he put me down?“ What this is called is a cognitive dissonance. When I first heard of this, a light bulb went on in my head! Before I thought I was crazy but obviously that’s not the case. This behaviour  creates something like an addiction in our system. We constantly try to get „away“ from the dissonance and to a state of homoeostasis. Thereby we try to make sense of this behaviour and we find ways to justify and find excuses for a Manipulator.

I’m very grateful that I learned this lesson, I know far too many people get stuck in relationships like that. But a loving, caring relationship is never about trying to please or to walk around on eggshells, when your with someone. Or to become someone the other person wants you to be. It’s always about BEING. Nothing else, simply be yourself and that’s all that is needed. You are enough.

Of course, part of being someone interesting and motivating is also about striving to become more. Become more of who you already are, to become better. That’s what I’m dedicating my everyday life to now-to become someone who fills her own cup and serves thereby. Cause we can’t give if we’re empty. I’m working each day on my direction and my purpose in life and by being happier-I draw more happiness into my life.





Back from Paradise

sdrIt’s hard to eve put it into words how I’m feeling after I finished my YTT (Yoga Teacher Training) in Canggu, Bali.

I’m back in Vienna, for almost 10 days..I’ve been writing & rewriting this experience, at some point I even thought „well maybe it’s better to just keep the memory and not trying to put it into words“

Obviously I changed my mind. To keep it simply: I would love to be back already. Back with all the simplicity of Bali, back to basics, back to people who understood (honestly I never thought that would mean so much to me!) my obsession with Yoga and curiosity about everything related to Yoga. I didn’t even know what to expect-honestly, I just went for it without any former knowledge-but what I got was Philosophy, Hatha, Yin and Vinyasa Yoga and even a week of intense workout with a Instagram-Yoga-Star! And during all of this I met these amazing, lovely, passionate and open-minded people-which seems like a small part of the whole-but actually it made the whole experience into what it is.

Bali has my heart, I’m gonna be back as soon as possible. Maybe already next year. But like always-I have to live in the present and focus on my goals and my direction. So where do I go from here? What do I do? I can’t imagine to go back to ..whatever it was I was doing. I see myself doing exactly this- learning more about yoga, learning more about meditation, getting to know people I can connect to on this level. Exercising and developing my practice. So I need to start somewhere..

It’s almost too much „reality“, I went to different classes and I realized „no, this has nothing to do with the Yoga I did in Bali“. It seems like the true meaning of Yoga (which has little to do with the physical practice) has no room at all-it’s just honestly a quite boring routine of getting into the Asanas. Non the less I know it’s not easy to do this in a big city. But I miss Bali Yoga- the Heart of Yoga- I miss the connection and the deeper conversations about yoga philosophy and mindfulness.

However, one thing is for sure: life is different now, there is no going back if you once feel the calling to become a Yogi.



It’s quite simple but it takes the longest time to understand that nothing is actually more important than energy. Your unique energy.

Non the less we are giving it away so freely. To bad jobs, to loveless relationships and friendships that don’t serve us. I realized there’s really these two things we never get back-still we never consciously pay attention to it-until we run out of it: Energy and Time.

Right now, with deciding on my path for the future I know that this is something I pay so much more attention to. Once again it all comes down to this one thing (a very loosely applied term) SELF LOVE: How much do I respect myself? How much do I care for myself? How much do I honour this one life I have? How much do I honour my souls energy to be this wasteful with it?

I strongly believe in Purpose-that we’re not here to serve anyone else’s Dreams but our own. If we’re determined and willing to face any obstacle  – we can accomplish the unbelievable. Our purpose should be the fuel for our energy, to be determined to never give up – for the simple reason because we have been placed on this earth to fulfill our purpose.


How does it continue..

So I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how this whole journey should go on. I was thinking about quitting my job, for quite some time now. So I did! It was only something that I did because of outside pressure , because well you have to work-if you don’t- you’re lazy.

Truth is (for me at least) nothing was going on in my life while I did this quite „senseless“ work, cause in the end a sales job isn’t getting me to where I want to be. It was just taking up a lot of my time, nothing was moving forward. So months gone by, without anything to show for it. That’s when I needed to stand up for myself and move on, decide that nothing’s going to change if I don’t change.

I made the decision to go on a retreat, the courses where I live aren’t quite worth it, to be honest. For the same amount of money I can go for one month to Bali and complete a certified yoga teacher course. It feels like the right thing to do, for my health, for my sanity, for my future. Cause I will grow from it, no matter what!

I think we’re often just limiting ourselves-that’s why I doubted if I should do this-because it’s special, it will challenge me-but deep down I maybe even doubted if I’m worth it-to do something extraordinary like that.

But I know I’m worth it and I will take on more challenges like this, I’m excited about what life has to offer-I don’t just want to stand by..I want to experience it all.


Adversity is growth


what stands in the way becomes the way

This is maybe the most important thing you can learn along the way to become someone with a growth mindset.

I’ve heard it, this way or another way 100 of times, but finally it has sunken it. It’s true – it takes multiple times for us to truly learn smth new-to store new information in our brains. Again and again, that’s why we need to repeat to ourselves over and over again that „we are awesome“ if we hate ourselves, „I’m good“ if we feel bad. Truth is over time- if we repeat it often enough we believe it. And only now I catched myself before I entered a difficult situation- thinking „gosh I’m going to learn so much from this“ or „I’m excited about what could go right“. Right now I have a job interview next week, and I thought „just having the chance to get closer to the possibility of doing this job, it’s quite astonishing“. Tonight I’m going to date someone I truly feel attracted to and he seems to be a really decent, nice guy „No matter the outcome, getting to know someone like him, is a wonderful chance“. When before, only months ago-I remember fretting over situations like this and being anxious and thinking stuff like „why do I have to../what if…“ FUCK THAT SHIT

In the end, if we feel like we „have to“ it’s that we force ourselves, if we feel that we „need to“ it’s that we let the outside world control us, it’s a tough decision to do what feels right. Cause it means to overcome your own BS and other peoples BS.

All that we want as human beings is easy: comfort. It’s what our brain is wired to tend to, it wants what it is used to. The calculable, the predictable, the patterns that it is used to. So to see the obstacle as the way is a challenge, to change our negative self talk and limiting beliefs. But it’s so worthwhile.

The thought of knowing: everything can go wrong-that’s why we don’t have to fear anything. Nothing is certain, that’s why everything’s possible.

I’m into this shit, side note: this is inspired by an Interview I watched on youtube watch here with Ryan Holiday . Maybe quite obvious for someone who’s read his book „the obstacle is the way“.



Creating space for something new

Never let people grow comfortable with disrespecting you.

The funny thing about this one is, if you’re kind and giving, sometimes you don’t realize what is going on. It starts with the other person gradually caring less, being less kind with his words, less generous with his time.

At the end of the day-you still feel a shift. There is something different in the energy between you two. That’s when you should ask yourself and be very honest with yourself, cause at the end of the day it’s the only thing that matters:

-how do you feel with this person?

-is the time you’re spending together valuable, does it serve you?

-do you feel taken advantage of, do you feel like you’re less valued and like you can’t authentically express yourself with this person?

At the end it can be painful to realize, that maybe it’s been a long term relationship or friendship, but for your greater good you have to part ways with this person. When you expand and develop into the person you are meant to be, sometimes it can be painful to realize that there are people you shouldn’t surround yourself with. And most likely you’re going to see more and more evidence that there were signs for quite some time, you’ve just been ignoring them. The blindfold falls down and we see the person for who they truly are and we realize that we’ve been quite naive.

Cause at the end of the day, not everyone cares as much about loyalty, honesty and authenticity as you do. That’s a fact, although we like to reflect our own values onto others – we should learn to see them for who THEY are. It’s very liberating actually, it gives you permission to be you and let anyone else be them, over the long run it will show. People show their true colours when you spend a certain amount of time together.

The lesson is: to set your standards, know your value and act on it! Fucking act on it-That’s the key.

Cause there will be no consequences if you stick around -act like alls good and you don’t speak up. It means to voice your opinion in a „matter of factly“ way-it’s not about begging or pleading. It’s just what it is-take it or leave it.

I’ve been in this situation quite often in the last few months-with old and with new acquaintances. You may think that’s too much effort, or that I’m too picky. But reality is I’ve started to truly see each individual for who they are and if their values don’t work with mine-Sayonara. We can talk about it but be honest: You can’t change someone else-it’s already hard enough changing yourself!

Energy attracts like energy – maybe right now for the time being our energies don’t align- I’m never truly giving up on anybody- cause at some point maybe our paths cross again. But never force it. I needed to learn this the hard way, again and again. But truly it isn’t ALL about us alone and how we’d like it to be. There’re TWO people involved.

xx, make the right decision.. for you

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